Mont Blanc oh Mont Blanc !!!

YES ! I do feel like killing somebody, that big fat dumb ass ! This is the story of Mont Blanc .....

We work so hard, organizing meeting with very important people from a rich company, working our ass off to please them, to make their stay in this beautiful country a superb experience, all the while not expecting any return except our usual monthly salary. We have a burning desire to do this job right. Well, perfectly right. Those are nice, fun loving smart people, so kind and generous they gave 14 of us a Mont Blanc each at the end of their visit. Only one person walk out with Mont Blanc in his hand, it become his, because he happened to have a smart boss, who let other people value his subordinate. Well, the rest of us, dang that stupid lousy looking boss. Mr. W, let me tell you this, you're the ugliest boss I've had in all my life, you worry about nothing but $$$. I feel sorry for you. I just wish for once you try to learn to be human, you know, like eat wisely so your dumb ass is not that huge and annoying, or cut your hair neat, exercise at least. I wonder how you made it up the corporate ladder when you can't even speak well, remember that one time you have about 500 uh and ah in a 1-hour talk you gave. I learn nothing except uhhh and ahhhh.

You make no effort to think to try to say yes, you can have the Mont Blanc, all you said was, no we can't keep it because of the $$$. Again $$$$ !!! I hate you I hate you, I hope whatever $$ you gonna get in your annual raise are frozen for the next 14 years, at least ! Get the hell out of my life, I don't need a coward idiot to lead my professional life. Give me back my MONT BLANCCCCCCC !!!

Strange crazy friends

I have been lazy for a long time and I need to have something interesting to write in order to get back on track, so lets talk about a hillariously crazy strange bunch of people I've ever known in my life ....

Let's start with a what seems to be a happy gay couple yet the gayest of them is actually .... straight ! We went to movies one night and both of them are dressed in pink long sleeves shirt and gray pants. Of course you can tell which one is gay, the one with muscles protruding all over (a.k.a FAT DEMON) OR the other one oh-i-think-i-wanna be-gay with ONLY tummy protruding from the rest of what seems soon-to-be-obese body FatD. The straight guy can never make up his mind on anything and we trained his girlfriend to be ... a queen control lady. And guess what, she picks up pretty well, in fact in one night she made a very important decision that her boyfriend will never be able to make, go for a movie outing. I am liking her oh so much, good job QUEEN-C ! There's another girlfriend in this bunch who fart like shit, her fart sends all friends around her in total chaos, we can all die from not breathing, we will also die if we breathe in ! She is a recent yoga devoter who think piltes ia a yoga cult ! She is higly sugared all her life, except, she don't have to take sugar to be sugared ! I want to call her SUGARY-FARTY Another one is a boyfriend who has breasts, we love to gossip about his secret rendevous to McDonald, despite him telling us that he is a vegan. Fat Demon call him DumbleD Another one is a dancing engineer, a used-to-be nerd who got 25As (or what it seems) in his exam, now work as a tubing designer (or rather pipe designer hahaha !) but think he is the Dolce Gabbana of tubing design. He does actually look like a nerdy engineer, only to leave office 5 sharp to catch is dancing class. Now isn't that strange !

Well, not forgetting me, a 40-something gen-Y lady, now how does that work? I dress like them, think like them but hey, they can never lie to me, because I am 40-something ! Call me Jlo-G, because I feel like one !

All of us has been assigned a beauty ID, because we are beautiful people, regardless what others say. Maybe we need to give this group of beautiful strange people a name .... maybe 'Don't hate me coz I'm beautiful' or 'Fat no no !' or 'Long torso short torso I'm still beautiful' or 'Gym my man' or 'No more McDonald'.

Fat demon was once asked what is the exercise to do during movie to stay beautiful, this was his answer 'No need exercise in the cinema, as far as code 14B concerns, we beauties are impervious to ergonomic injuries. Just lengthen ur spine and soften ur breath, nobody wanna hear u breathing so dang hard'  ................. hahahahahahahaha !

I am blessed with crazy stranggies, Stay beautiful all strangers !!

Strangely bored and lonely

My stranger is acting strange again, that shouldn't be so strange, we break up because of his strange way of life anyway. But why am I feeling sad over it all over again ? For quite some time, he was acting like he is in love, calling and texting endlessly, letting me enjoy my sweet revenge. And now ... he is gone ! We have not spoken for days, he hasn't call, he hasn't been texting. I do not know whether he is alive or dead. What frustrates me is, didn't he care to know what is happening to his children anymore? I am sad to see the boys no longer ask for their father. Don't they care anymore, he obviously do not care, that's for sure. What is happening to the relationship to the three man in my life? What has gone wrong ? The thing is, why am I feeling strangely sad and lonely. This is NOT the kind of feeling I want to have, I am single, I am a free person, I should be going out enjoying life. Well, the whether is not at all helping. The sky is as gloomy as my spirit, but why ?

No, I do not love him anymore ... my trust against him has taken that away. All this feeling is eating me right from the core of living, I am sad that this has happened to me, I am lonely that I do not have adult to talk too at home, I am angry at how inconsiderate a man can be, they just come and go as they wishes. I am so in need of myself, the happy me. I have tried so hard to enjoy the rest of the day. I can't go out shopping anymore, because it's going to rain, and because I am so sick and tired of it already. So, what so I do now ?

Strange, but I do not have the answer ..... for now, I'll be nice to the two important man in my life, come on boys, let's go out and have some fun !

Strange dream part 1 - Dear tummy ....

I have never experience a day of life without my dear friend tummy. It doesn't matter how skinny I was a long long time ago, especially when I am fat, even when I'm fasting, even after almost 5 years practising yoga, my dear tummy has always been there with me, haunting my bikiniless life. For many many years I wonder why. Why am I so unfortunate that I always have a friend I never wanted, bouncing like jelly, talk when I talk, move when I move. Tummy makes me work extra hard to suck it in, when I bumped into cute guy or when yoga teacher is nearby, when wearing tight skirt, ah, folding on top of skinny jeans. When  I am in sarvangasana (a yoga pose, shoulder stand) my tummy is like landslide falling towards my face that it's so suffocating. I was horrified to see the endless layers I've been carrying all these years. For once dear tummy, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE !! I even had a strange dream that I went through liposuction, and I'm not gonna tell you how I seriously consider doing it for real.

Today, I saw a picture of me helping a friend to hold her inversion, ah, my dear tummy, there you are again. But this time feeling different, I know that's the kind of friend that will never leaves me, my tummy is willing to stand by me as I did my poses under the morning sun, in the spirit of helping the unfortunates in Japan through karma yoga I did with other kind souls. For the first time in my life, I love you tummy, you're my identity, you are me, you make me go through aerobics, and yoga, and sit-ups, you are my motivator. You keep pushing me off my limits, for that ..... I thank you tummy !! I embrace you, we are one !

Life is like your hair

At least mine is ! Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolate, but hell, I don't wanna be eating chocs all my life and die fat ! I think for me, it's more like my hair ... now, think about this .....

When i was younger, I kept my hair short, I was definitely busted looking anti-social nerd, you know, short hair, still short number of years of life, short, fat, short, fat. Simple straight-to-the-point life. I don't care how I look like, I don't care what people say about it, I keep it simple, I like to have short hair, I like to eat, I was fat yes, if you laugh at me ... not my problem !!

Then as my hair grow towards the shoulder, ah, the difficult part of my life. As much as I wasn't sure to cut my hair back to being short or to let it grow, life was like that. I wasn't sure whether I was a child or an adult. How do I speak, what do I wear, who should I hang-out with, who do I sit with during dinner, do I gossip with the adults, or play with those kids ! I dont know ! Hate my hair, hate my life .... !

Then, as years pass by, so does the age, the hair gets longer, pass the shoulder. I sort of decided that I'm not gonna cut it as yet, but I need spices to life as much as I need different style of my hair, so I colored it, layered, recolor, trim. Trying hard to look feminine yet adding excitement to it. Same goes to life, I've reached a comfort zone, this is it, this is me, but I need some spices added, so I got married, be a mother, then be single. As you pass through those cycle, you age gracefully, enjoying every single present moment, love my longer hair, feeling great as a mother, yet enjoying single life.

I always remember making the biggest mistake, getting my hair permed! How did I even get the idea to do that, I must have been crazy ! Did make mistakes in my life, of course, many more times than perming my hair ! Do I learned from it, I'll be stupid if I don't ....

I've passed the difficult moment, I've passed the shoulder, I am at this phase I love the most, enjoying the feeling of my naturally long straight hair at the back of my shoulder, enjoying life as it is.

To make life more interesting, I got my free natural blow dry after each yoga class, thank you to downward dog and all those inversions, great hair great life.

Namaste hair, I am so blessed !

Beautiful stranger and Fat Demon

Wow, a great, great week ! I've been imagining that I am that model in long slim black pants, red blouse and orange scarf, carrying the new LV boungeliere (ah ! spell), long hair pretty me huh ! I love that bag, a MUST-HAVE, I will dress exactly like that model with that bag when I get it, god knows when. Ah, then I realized I will soon get 2 monetary awards from my employer, love you employer, gimme my new LV, gimme, gimme !


And then, a good friend and and I realized we MAY be losing weight. We had FUNtastic yoga classes this week, I feel strong, toned, confident, taller, straighter, healthier, slimmer ? Yeh, it doesn't matter how I look, I do feel slimmer. I think I eat less, going to yoga classes is easier, nobody to lure me into eating countless meals a day. I can now wear my old yoga attire that has been begging me to lose weight and put them to good use, just like my skinny jeans. I was wondering, why, why am I losing weight, why oh why  ? Ah, the beautiful stranger, damn him ! He's been out of my sight for a while and his absence give me such a better looking body, I think ! A friend said ' Gosh ! so he's our FAT DEMON all this while huh !'. Yes, Beautiful Stranger is in fact the Fat Demon !


Fat Demon, we miss you till no words can describe, when you come back, you will look at nothing but fabulosity, that we will look exactly like the thin Kimora, only shorter !!!

Tale of a dress - sad story

Life changes after J.Lo looks alike attempt. My stranger, after spending days being the person I wish he is when we were together, has changed. He become a sad, depressed person. I was working when he texted me early in the morning asking about boys, then said something like 'hey ! please tell boys I love them no matter what, if I were to leave this world before you, please come and visit my grave, it will make me rest in peace, hopefully'. Now, I was stunned not knowing how to respond. I must have forgotten how to breathe until I feel the warmth of my tears come running down my face. What is wrong him ? And before I get to respond, he texted again 'Yeah, you know my blood pressure is going up lately, I'm just feeling ..... different'. Well my stranger, I am feeling different and sad. For once I thought I can forget him and move on with my life, if I ever decided to not rebuild our lives like before. But my tears is telling me that I probably do care about him, worry about him, love him ? I don't know. I just want my children to have a father they can grow up with, to wrestle with, making fun of each other, to do the spanking business, to be there when they graduate, at weddings, enjoying grandchildren. Why does he sounds like he's giving up on life? I was crying all day at every opportunities, even quietly during a meeting that talk about technology. Technology? I don't care, I am feeling sad dear technology, for now you have to be on your own !!

A friend later told me, it's probably good that he's feeling like that, he is probably knocking some senses back to his head, another friend told me not to worry, it's probably the J.Lo dress again. See, isn't friendship great !!

Tale of a dress - continuation of Poplook saga

At last i got my poplook, it was worth the wait, thanks to a lovely pretty friend who is dying to transform me into J.Lo. It will be impossible to be J.Lo, there's only one amazing ever beautiful J.Lo, but at least I got some heads turning, eyes popping, stares from the elderly on my chest.

Out of all the stories of this leopard print Mia Midi, there's only one that really stands out, my stranger has gone crazy all over me exactly like 10 years ago. He begged me to send a picture which I did after about an hour worth of begging, me in J.Lo dress, brown stilettos, long hair partly clipped at the back and smiling confidently feeling J.Lo spirit in me. This very picture has turned his world upside come. We're talking about hours of text messages, about at least a hundred that I have to topup my prepaid mobile once, at one cent/message, not to mention endless call, romantic words, confessions that was never made, apologies, spoiled by words of love. Dear stranger, please remember I am now 10 years older, going through what seems like mid-life crisis. All those teenage-style- love-story won't work anymore, I'm just a humble straight forward single lady. If you are a hopelessly romantic guy, that will not fit me quite right. That's when stranger start talking about our lives, reflecting back on especially his mistakes, some of mine too, his future plan, our children, this and that. That he misses me until no words can describe, feeling shameful of his wrongdoings. That I am in fact the best, the only one who understand him.

A wise old man once told me, victory belongs to those who wait patiently. In my case, a J.Lo dress defines the end of a journey towards victory. Now who should I thank, the wise old man, myself or the dress ?

I definitely thank God for His endless loves, because that really counts among all ..... and on top of that, thank you my sweet lovely pretty friend who gave me a really POP LOOK !

Strange cat in my car

Last night I got hypnotized by poplooks.com, thanks to a dear friend who tried so hard to make me look like J.Lo ! I got so hypnotized in the awesomeness of poplook, that I eat poplook, I sleep poplook, I dream poplook, it will not stop until I get my first delivery, 2 dresses on its way. I thought I'll be thinking poplook for the whole of the day after, until something scary happened. As I dropped my two little fella off for school, I smell something so bad, something .... so familiar, something rotten, yet fresh. A cat must have gotten stomach ache very early in the morning and her poops seems so close to me ,yet so far, can smell it can't see it. Where is that poopies ? Oh well ! Poor cat but I'm off to work. So I drove off but wait ! why do I still smell it? I stopped by the roadside, sniffed on my shoes like a crazy old woman, nothing ..... my foot, nothing, but I swear I can still smell it, all the way, inside the car, so close yet so invisible. Unwind the window, still there, and stronger. Gosh ! This is gonna be a tough drive. I am suffocated in cat poopies smell. Strong as I am, I made it to the office, parked my car and there it was, splashed all over the right tyre, splashed so bad untill it was stucked on the door. Like Bruno Mars 'Grenade' easy come easy go .... uh huh, the carwash should take care of it.

Went to the office, I still smell it, oh heck .... it's probably the trauma of driving with cat poops, but never mind that, gotta work and earn my living. Went  to yoga, ..... why am I still smelling it, so close yet so .... confusing. As I'm trying to enjoy downdog, there it was again, cat poops smell. It's there everywhere, in uttanasana, balasana, camel pose, worst in downward dog, as I twist I still smell it. Am I going crazy, why is my mind so traumatized by cat poops? I can handle marriage problem, work problem, I can breathe those out from my mind, why can't I get rid of cat poops from my mind ? Am I getting weaker, more vulnerable to small threats like this ? Or do I miss my mom's cat ? Has I awaken one of my chakras, that I can see and smell the non-existence of living. Am I missing my own cats that anything, even cat poops, remind me of my beloved Simba, Tara and Tammy? Oh gosh ! How do I breathe deeply if all I can think off now is ... cat poops ? Is this a sign of unconcious negativity, in my mind, in my body, why ... why .. why .... echoing in my brain .. until, a friend pointed out few brown spots on my shin !! I quickly ran to the changing room, swiped those spots and cautiously smell it ...... man !! Cat poops !

I still haven't got my pop look yet, I sure have my poops-look for the whole of today ..... !! Namaste kitty, I forgive you !

The strangeness of identity

I attended a talk years ago by a yoga mahaguru, about human and their journey towards identifying themselves. Our physical body, when narrowed down into its smallest being, is none other but countless numbers of atoms, that each will look exactly the same, so how are we different from others ? How do we identify our being with the rest of the world, between good and bad. It is tragic that many people identify themselves by the things they own, small car, big car, make-up brand they use, brand of their handbags and clothes, size of their house, their job, their family ..... is that a right thing to do ? That I am a simple person because of the money I spent on food, for example. That I am classy because this is the handbag design I like to carry. That I am humble because I don't buy any of those. Really ? I struggle to find my own identity, what am I ? While still in search for the ultimate answer, I know for sure that identifying yourself against worldly material is none of the answer. It worries me that I am beginning to have list of things I want lately, Louis Vutton Alma in Vernis, LV Black Idylle, Speedy 35 with straps, Red Vincci Shoes, Toyota Vios, White CRV, Return to Tiffany 18K Gold earring, this and that, cheap and expensive. I have to constantly remind myself that those are only to reward myself and in doing so, never ever forget to share some with the unfortunates. That having the Vernis Alma is merely because the price pays for the quality, not because I will look classy with it, for a classy person are those with classy personality not what they carry.

As far as the mind is in the action of reminding, I should be find. I still do not have answers on my identity, but one thing for sure, the bag or car or shoes are there to serve me, not identify me, for what I am is how I behave !!!

But still ..... I love Louis Vutton !

I love you strangers !

It was devastating enough to see what happened to our friends in Japan, lives lost to tsunami, all the tragic stories, mother missing childs, home vanished, hunger, it is sad. Though I did not make it this morning, I am so proud to see friends doing karma yoga, for Japan, raising money, again to make this world a better place to live in. Strangers helping other strangers, beauty of live, how being compassion to others is evindent to unconditional, borderless love.

Can you imagine having loves, in everybody body, mind and soul, as it become their principle in live, to love and be loved. Why are we wasting time on wars, killing each others, spending money for no good reason, when there a zillion of other ways to be in agreement, why ? Why are we stupid enough to kill each other, when death is really up to God. Why are we so rude and think we are more powerful than the other and fight over the impermanence things in life. Greed thus stupidity and ignorance. I raised this up once over lunch and was then approached by a fellow friend '<girl>, I am dissapointed that you do not see the importance of this war that we've been fighting for, for years'. Don't get wrong friend, I believe in what you are fighting for, I just do not believe how you are fighting for it.

Let's love each other strangers, because love is powerful to make this life an amazing journey !

Strange awesomeness

Clap ... clap ... clap ! Firstly, for getting the Internet back online. Must it be down when there's so many things to write about ! Oh well all strangers, this week is AWESOME !!  Firstly, a dear friend called on Monday morning to deliver red velvet cupcakes FOC, whatever Red Velvet means, it was surprisingly delicious !! As the cake was on its way, I got another awesome news, selected as 2010 Mentor of the year award recipient ! So far so awesome, and strange! What makes it strange was, this award arrive on the same day a 'personal' mentor lunch going to happen, planned days before. A long overdue lunch meet for both of us to really make a leap change in our lives, to turn hatred into sincerity, to work with things within our circle of control thus our circle of influence, to start moving towards greatness. To forgive and move on, to deal with rather than to be in denial. To sort things out and makes this world a better place to live it. Did I achieve that ? I think I did, I think we did ! Sometimes we are all stucked in what I called managerial mishaps that resulted in confusing stupidity and the only way to get out of it is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a powerful weapon against all odds in life. It frees your soul to freedom. Forgiveness, that is all !

Moving on through the week, I saw an amazingly smart lady in questionable fashion, floral shirt, pants with zillion of pockets, mini floral sling bag, and you think Britney Spears is weird ! I imagine if beautiful stranger were to see this, wow ! A movie called 'When Beautiful Stranger met pocketful pants', bizarre, bizarre ! Talk about beautiful stranger, I am missing him. He once gave an advise to an overly stressed friend, just think, when you are stressed, you become ugly ! It was amazing how that makes all tips on stress reliever we have ever heard from highly paid doctor sounds like a joke, stress, ugly, stress, ugly, hmmmm, that should work !

This week ended with a fulfilling hunt for a perfect french bread, I ended up with two, cheese onion french bread and country herbs french baquette. That's gonna make the weekend even more perfect, let's eat dear strangers !

 

London and New York

New York is my favorite city, it makes me humble, as I always have to look up for air, it makes me feel young, it's awakening, it's refreshing, it's crazy, it's real, it's fattening. I went to New York with 2 friends, one crazy, the other calmed, that forced me to be in between, feeling like a second child, only I was the oldest among all. The crazy one keeps telling me that New York is for somebody young like him, and now that he is in London, he told me recently that London is for 'senior' people like me. London is calmed, organized, relaxed with so many parks, countryside reachable as far as the the money takes you, the kind of quietness I should like. But hey, I am no ordinary oldies  !! I always have identity crisis in my life, acting old when I was young, feeling young when I am now 'older'. In life, there is always 2 characters in us, sometimes we feel like New York, feeling crazy and vibrant, young and happy wearing short skirts and dancing on the street, sometimes we want to run away from New York and go into the London part of us, calmed, matured, relaxed, composed and ...... old ! I want to be New York at parties, I better be London in yoga class. Criss-crossing identitites makes life a lot of fun, who says dual-personality is a desease, it's just being normal.

All said, I am not sure if I want to be Paris, for the reason I have never been there , secondly, nay !! Paris remind me of Paris Hilton, never mind the money, I like living a normal free live ! London or New York, it doesn't matter, as long as you're free like a bird !

Hey stranger !! Don't you be freaking out ! I am definitely that bird !!

Making up strange stories

I used to have too many problems in my life ... those years when I was married and my stranger dissapeared from home, either with friends out having fun leaving me alone at home with little babies, or with that stupid whore who got nothing better to do other than ruining people's life. There were times when it was so difficult to fall asleep, sometimes I could not sleep for many nights, my record was 4 nights in a row. I tried yoga, chi-gong, this, that, xanac, I almost got addicted to Imovane. Let me tell you what works like wonder. When you have trouble sleeping, make up stories, most of the time, strange stories. Make it as good as possible, so good it make you feel great, and the feeling of greatness beat the blues of Imovane right away. I used to imagine being invited at Oprah to talk about how foolish a man can be, I imagine talking about my bestselling book about what I learn from man's stupidity,  the thing we can learn about life from yoga class, about how it was being filmed by Steven Spielberg, all started from a yoga class I attended with his wife in New York city. I imagine Louis Vutton having a special design done after this movie, with Breathe Yoga initial on it, monogram canvas with Red/White color, my name embossed on it, presented to me at the end of Oprah show. When we decided to live separately, I imagine the day he left that whore, when he come begging for me to accept him back. I imagine that women calling me, and I used all opportunities to tell how horrible she is, that I get to curse her that she will suffer for the rest of her life. I imagine the day she suffer so much in life, feeling shameful of her wrongdoings, lost her belongings, her car, her family, her dignity. I imagine one day when we plan to come back together, that my stranger has at last learned from all these sufferings, that he become best husband ever, he become somebody brand new i never know before. All this imagination put my mind to rest and blessed my night with good sleep.

The strange stories about Oprah will never come true, THAT I know ! The stories about living happily ever after, may come true, THAT i all up to me now, THAT is all up to God's greatest power. But I know all the stories in between has happened. Dreams are free, and if it does come true, take that as bonus in life !! Let's dream all strangers !!

Random mind

Do you know what I love the most about blogging ? First, I can be creative on whatever the random mind is telling me, and then I tell a strange machine .... second .... little that I know people have interest to read, excitement grows as I see the total pageviews increase, whatever pageviews mean ! Last but not least, I get to title the random mind ..... during those years I was born, putting your thought on papers will take time as you write and developed muscle on one hand. now ? I just think and type.

Gotta go washy, washy, known stranger just called to date me, but nah ! gotta washy washy and feeling lazy !!

Beautiful stranger

At last, after contemplating for months, I told this one beautiful stranger about my strange life. This beautiful stranger is a person that you can't seem to talk about anything else in life, other than beauty and fashion. He can never hold secrets, he tell me I am fat everyday. If you need advise on life .... don't count on him. Ask him about fashion, vogue, Lady Gaga, Gissele, he'll tell you before you finish asking. To him, there's no excuse to look fat and ugly except your own laziness.

What make me tells him is something so mysterious ... just a look in the beautiful high-maintenance face tells me I can trust him, and I did. For the first time in life, I saw him looking like a real human, somebody who does advise you about life, about giving a second chance, about how silly a man can be, about jealousy, about forgiving others. For the first time I saw him beyond beauty and I know right away, he will hold my secrets, because if he don't he knows I will kill him. All this revealation don't change him a bit, we ended our talk with him reminding me that I am still fat no matter what, and he is still loving the fact that the fatty creamy latte I had almost every morning will make him ever more beautiful than me !

This beautiful stranger will vanish for a short while, I will miss somebody who tells me that I need to work harder in the gym and to have mercy on my skinny jeans. Be good beautiful stranger, you know I'll be watching you from far !!

Painfully skinny girl !

As a late bloomer, I got my first and only skinny jeans when I was 39, after a good friend convined me that I will definitely look skinny in it. True enough, it did its magic, looking skinny long legs brand new me, the loose top complimented it superbly, not to mention the sexy high-heel. Am I tall and skinny ... you're kidding me, I AM NOT ! Do I look like one ? Yes, thanks to Levis !

It's been at least 4, if not 6 months, my dear skinny jean are now so lonely and unattended to. I am so dying to get into it, but the effect of enjoying single life, with late night french bread topped with cream cheese perfected by hot tea with brown sugar makes my dream fade away. Tomorrow, i will atempt to get into it. It will be a symbolic attempt, it's a symbol of freedom, happiness, mid-life-crisis at least. My breathing will definitely be affected, the air I breathe in can no longer pass right to my stomach for it will explode the jeans, but never mind. In life there's always hurdles, for skinny jeans it will be worst. I will do my best, I will squeeze my butt and thighs into it, I will jump into it if I have to. I will do whatever it take, in fashion or in life, no pain means no gain  girl ! Tomorrow is the jugdement day, my skinny jeans will tell me if I need to get more serious with yoga class or visit to gym, TOMORROW !!!

Who says women at 40s need to start to be an auntie, mine start right here right now inside this skinny jeans !!

Strange dream, scary dream

Phone rang very early in the morhing "hey ! I truly miss you, is everything ok ? I had the strangest dream last night, that you and the boys were all leaving me for a place far and away, you said goodbye, then our two boys. It was sad when our youngest said, good-bye papa, don't be sad, we will come back and get you' . I sat there quietly, almost crying and thinking ... , fear running through my mind. My stranger, that is probably your unconcious fearful mind telling you that you do in fact, love your family and wants them back. I may be wrong, it could mean something else ... message from God ? sign to stop this crazy lifestyle and start to get serious about it ? sign of aging perhaps ? OR maybe it's just another unconcious game that means nothing. All I know is after listening to all this, fear makes me frantically calling and wanting to talk to my boys, driving home super safely so I can show up at school in one piece, kissing and hugging them like there's no tomorrow.

All this tells me that, literally nothing matters more in life than these two little man who define me as a true women !!

Strangely single at last .....

Wow ! What a day ... as much as  enjoying the fun of being single, it is quite a dramatic experience to go through the process to be officially single. First answering questions in public, hearing the judgement out loud in front of other strangers, I feel sad, happy, mixed, but never once nervous, positive for life ahead, but this stranger of mine is oh so confusing, his uninvited 'love' landed me into another blurry future. Why is friendship in a marriage to hard to achieve yet it exist easily outside of it. Why is it so hard to talk when you are in the cobwebs of being together, yet it kicks in naturally once you are outside of it, WHY ? I know for sure that I feel terribly guilty for all the relatives who has been involved in building our dream future, relatives who are now 10 years older, our dream smashed into zillion of pieces by another heartless stranger , or maybe two including this stranger that I want to hate but never been able to.

But guess what happen next, we walk out of this strange place trying to act as normal possible, him telling me that we will rebuild the future together, as he pat on my back asking for forgiveness, breakfast at our usual rendevous, can't help but wanting each other all over again. How do I escape from what seems to be another stupidity ? Shopping spree for those I love in my live, which includes 2 pairs of shoes for me.

Fellow strangers out there, listen up, life can be confusing and nasty to you, but loving yourself first than the rest keep you hanging tight it there, love my SHOES !!

Remember when I said I am somewhat married ? Well, he wanted to get back together, living separately has finally teach him a lesson. For me, It gives me freedom to be myself and I am so loving it until it freaks him out. Do I want him back ? I don't know. Being with him is complicated, being with a man is complicated. I am definitely not planning to run into the arms of another woman of course, but single life IS in fact, a lot of fun !! You live your life at your own standard and you are only expected to trust yourself.

For the last 2+ years, I watch this one old man, who patiently walk his grandson, I assume, every morning to the kindergarden. He is calmed, well dressed, clean looking in his seriously pressed white long sleeve shirt and black pants, perfectly pressed as well. Walking in perfect posture, hardly smiling, talk a little to only his grandson. He walk every morning at same exact time of what may take him at least 20 minutes. I watched him as I drive pass going to the same school. Now that both my sons are in primary school, I have a closer look at this old man. In the same white shirt and black pants, I am dying to talk to him, but what about ? I have a very deep unexplainable admiration towards him. STRANGE, but I love this strangeness. I love the fact that not everything is explainable. He stand outside the school patiently waiting for his little boy, hardly talking to anybody, calmed as ever, he don't smile yet he don't frown. Motionless and emotionless until the school gate open,everyday ....

Just the other day, as I went into the school compound, I saw a worried looking 7 years old boy, looking for somebody, who fetches him I would think, and I quickly ask him to go back and wait inside, worry for his safety. Then I heard a soft voice calling him, that old man ! For the first time I see the old man smile, the sweetest smile I've seen, pouring out zillions of loves flying all over the place, as the little boy calling out at him 'grandpa !'.

Now, if my stranger can guarantee us the kind of unconditional love I saw that evening, I will probably  welcome him back into my life..... but one thing for sure, I know I will soon come talk to this old loving stranger !!

Too many, wazzup life !

Wow, what a strangely plain interesting day ? Now what does that mean? First and foremost, I think I did a great job as a mentor that I am left with nothing to do at work, so I spend the day chatting, listening to preaching in a long meeting, sinful lunch and missing yoga class.... So far soooo plain. THEN, the excitement starts coming in .... first I decided to buy 2 pre-loved expensive wallets, then i got to learn a long lost friend lost his wife, to another WOMEN !! Omg ... this life is in fact STRANGE !! I felt sorry to their 2 sons that have to live with their daddy's  strange story, but who to blame than daddy himself. A well known womenizer who picks up on ANY women, friend's wife & sister, old and young, rich and poor, what is he trying to proof. His manhood perhaps, which is strangely questionable if his wife has to turn to another women for pleasure. And strangely, I've heard of similar stories before ..... man listen up here ! start balancing your ego and fear before you live in embarassment  .... for the rest of your life.

Keep on reading, I may come back once done with laundry ... washy washy !!

Let's breathe all strangers

Today was questionably strange yet fun. Hello you woman, what are you talking about ? First my boss came to tell me that hey <name> !, we can't announce your new job yet, there's a lot of things that need to be done upfront. What now, am I in trouble ? It doesn't matter actually, because what matters is that in a few hours time, I am going to teach a non-stranger strangers to do the easiest-yet-totally-forgotten art of breathing. Now what am I talking about? Friends, let us all sit in this room, learn to breathe, stretch and relax. Let your breaths guide you, teach you, guide you through life. Angry ? Breathe ...... Sad ? Breathe .... Happy ? Jump, then breathe ..... For 40 minutes I helped them to breathe and bring their mind back to their body, the mind that spend years caring for others, some strangers, some non-strangers, in any case it doesn't matter, because what matters was that, in 40 minutes, they are in fact, with themselves. The funny thing was, my gay friend totally fallen asleep, even snored, a friend farted, a few burps, now tell me if those twists work huh !

The results of this ? I had a strange fulfilling experience and probably make some strangers happy .... LOVE ME STRANGERS !!

Strange weekend

Weekend at last, as I'm trying to get more sleep, I was awaken by a SMS from a well-know stranger. "Hey, let's meet, I miss you !". Miss me, afer all the things you put me through ... it doesn't actually make sense that you can actually miss me !. Well, stupid enough, that is only thoughts going on in my strange random mind. I then wake up the boys, drove and park at train station nearby, took an hour ride to meet him at world's coolest mall, had fun like years before, went home together, and we fall in love all over again. Fall in love ? What am I talking about, are you crazy girl ? Hey, yes I am, this world is a strange place, so does it matter if I act strangely ? NO !

Strange wedding

I have a gay friend who wants to be married in about 7 years time. So today, we sit together trying to imagine him on his wedding day. He said he will have an audition for his guests, they must catwalk on a number of runways, probably categorised by age group. The good looking one will be invited and the not-so-pretty and fat ones ... oh well, he do not want to be mean, so if they don't make it, "here's your uniform, go to the kitchen and start working !". Now, isn't that mean, but guess what, we laughed ! During the insolemnization, he would say "OK come on ! just say yes and get over with this !". 

Talk about strange people !

Knowing the strange stranger

Well, people get married, then separated, then divorce, then back together, then remarry. Can it be more strange ? The book is right, LOVE is a verb. Make it work and it will work (most of the time, MEN breaks it). We can be ready to a tougher verb in life, but are they ? We are at this juncture of confusion, which direction to take, to be off the hook and enjoy the freedom, or to be hooked with all the risk of love and being loved ? We may let go all of personal choice for other more important matters. Are we weak enough to not do that ?

Oh well, Im hungry, gotta go eat !

OK, let's begin a journey

Life has been strange lately and I think I need to write about them.I alaways want to write about book, but the mind is randomly jumping here and there and never seems to land on something, so what's the best way to accomodate such random mind, BLOGGING !! This blog will be super plain, potentially no graphics BUT READ IT.

So how do I start ? For now, imagine this in your mind, a lady in her early forties, somewhat married with 2 children, have a career. she is late bloomer so whatever happens in her life is late, late, late, but that is better than somebody who never blooms at all ! Her friends are mostly crazy and they are all over the world.



Yes, this is all you need to put in your mind for now. Let me have a good sleep and think of how to put the story of this lady together. Remember, my random mind is hard to tame .... I need to make it land on something tonite, I may need to put into practise what I learn in yoga class, yes ! I'll do that. Will be back !!