My stranger is acting strange again, that shouldn't be so strange, we break up because of his strange way of life anyway. But why am I feeling sad over it all over again ? For quite some time, he was acting like he is in love, calling and texting endlessly, letting me enjoy my sweet revenge. And now ... he is gone ! We have not spoken for days, he hasn't call, he hasn't been texting. I do not know whether he is alive or dead. What frustrates me is, didn't he care to know what is happening to his children anymore? I am sad to see the boys no longer ask for their father. Don't they care anymore, he obviously do not care, that's for sure. What is happening to the relationship to the three man in my life? What has gone wrong ? The thing is, why am I feeling strangely sad and lonely. This is NOT the kind of feeling I want to have, I am single, I am a free person, I should be going out enjoying life. Well, the whether is not at all helping. The sky is as gloomy as my spirit, but why ?
No, I do not love him anymore ... my trust against him has taken that away. All this feeling is eating me right from the core of living, I am sad that this has happened to me, I am lonely that I do not have adult to talk too at home, I am angry at how inconsiderate a man can be, they just come and go as they wishes. I am so in need of myself, the happy me. I have tried so hard to enjoy the rest of the day. I can't go out shopping anymore, because it's going to rain, and because I am so sick and tired of it already. So, what so I do now ?
Strange, but I do not have the answer ..... for now, I'll be nice to the two important man in my life, come on boys, let's go out and have some fun !
Monday 16 May 2011
Saturday 7 May 2011
Strange dream part 1 - Dear tummy ....
I have never experience a day of life without my dear friend tummy. It doesn't matter how skinny I was a long long time ago, especially when I am fat, even when I'm fasting, even after almost 5 years practising yoga, my dear tummy has always been there with me, haunting my bikiniless life. For many many years I wonder why. Why am I so unfortunate that I always have a friend I never wanted, bouncing like jelly, talk when I talk, move when I move. Tummy makes me work extra hard to suck it in, when I bumped into cute guy or when yoga teacher is nearby, when wearing tight skirt, ah, folding on top of skinny jeans. When I am in sarvangasana (a yoga pose, shoulder stand) my tummy is like landslide falling towards my face that it's so suffocating. I was horrified to see the endless layers I've been carrying all these years. For once dear tummy, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE !! I even had a strange dream that I went through liposuction, and I'm not gonna tell you how I seriously consider doing it for real.
Today, I saw a picture of me helping a friend to hold her inversion, ah, my dear tummy, there you are again. But this time feeling different, I know that's the kind of friend that will never leaves me, my tummy is willing to stand by me as I did my poses under the morning sun, in the spirit of helping the unfortunates in Japan through karma yoga I did with other kind souls. For the first time in my life, I love you tummy, you're my identity, you are me, you make me go through aerobics, and yoga, and sit-ups, you are my motivator. You keep pushing me off my limits, for that ..... I thank you tummy !! I embrace you, we are one !
Today, I saw a picture of me helping a friend to hold her inversion, ah, my dear tummy, there you are again. But this time feeling different, I know that's the kind of friend that will never leaves me, my tummy is willing to stand by me as I did my poses under the morning sun, in the spirit of helping the unfortunates in Japan through karma yoga I did with other kind souls. For the first time in my life, I love you tummy, you're my identity, you are me, you make me go through aerobics, and yoga, and sit-ups, you are my motivator. You keep pushing me off my limits, for that ..... I thank you tummy !! I embrace you, we are one !
Tuesday 3 May 2011
Life is like your hair
At least mine is ! Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolate, but hell, I don't wanna be eating chocs all my life and die fat ! I think for me, it's more like my hair ... now, think about this .....
When i was younger, I kept my hair short, I was definitely busted looking anti-social nerd, you know, short hair, still short number of years of life, short, fat, short, fat. Simple straight-to-the-point life. I don't care how I look like, I don't care what people say about it, I keep it simple, I like to have short hair, I like to eat, I was fat yes, if you laugh at me ... not my problem !!
Then as my hair grow towards the shoulder, ah, the difficult part of my life. As much as I wasn't sure to cut my hair back to being short or to let it grow, life was like that. I wasn't sure whether I was a child or an adult. How do I speak, what do I wear, who should I hang-out with, who do I sit with during dinner, do I gossip with the adults, or play with those kids ! I dont know ! Hate my hair, hate my life .... !
Then, as years pass by, so does the age, the hair gets longer, pass the shoulder. I sort of decided that I'm not gonna cut it as yet, but I need spices to life as much as I need different style of my hair, so I colored it, layered, recolor, trim. Trying hard to look feminine yet adding excitement to it. Same goes to life, I've reached a comfort zone, this is it, this is me, but I need some spices added, so I got married, be a mother, then be single. As you pass through those cycle, you age gracefully, enjoying every single present moment, love my longer hair, feeling great as a mother, yet enjoying single life.
I always remember making the biggest mistake, getting my hair permed! How did I even get the idea to do that, I must have been crazy ! Did make mistakes in my life, of course, many more times than perming my hair ! Do I learned from it, I'll be stupid if I don't ....
I've passed the difficult moment, I've passed the shoulder, I am at this phase I love the most, enjoying the feeling of my naturally long straight hair at the back of my shoulder, enjoying life as it is.
To make life more interesting, I got my free natural blow dry after each yoga class, thank you to downward dog and all those inversions, great hair great life.
Namaste hair, I am so blessed !
When i was younger, I kept my hair short, I was definitely busted looking anti-social nerd, you know, short hair, still short number of years of life, short, fat, short, fat. Simple straight-to-the-point life. I don't care how I look like, I don't care what people say about it, I keep it simple, I like to have short hair, I like to eat, I was fat yes, if you laugh at me ... not my problem !!
Then as my hair grow towards the shoulder, ah, the difficult part of my life. As much as I wasn't sure to cut my hair back to being short or to let it grow, life was like that. I wasn't sure whether I was a child or an adult. How do I speak, what do I wear, who should I hang-out with, who do I sit with during dinner, do I gossip with the adults, or play with those kids ! I dont know ! Hate my hair, hate my life .... !
Then, as years pass by, so does the age, the hair gets longer, pass the shoulder. I sort of decided that I'm not gonna cut it as yet, but I need spices to life as much as I need different style of my hair, so I colored it, layered, recolor, trim. Trying hard to look feminine yet adding excitement to it. Same goes to life, I've reached a comfort zone, this is it, this is me, but I need some spices added, so I got married, be a mother, then be single. As you pass through those cycle, you age gracefully, enjoying every single present moment, love my longer hair, feeling great as a mother, yet enjoying single life.
I always remember making the biggest mistake, getting my hair permed! How did I even get the idea to do that, I must have been crazy ! Did make mistakes in my life, of course, many more times than perming my hair ! Do I learned from it, I'll be stupid if I don't ....
I've passed the difficult moment, I've passed the shoulder, I am at this phase I love the most, enjoying the feeling of my naturally long straight hair at the back of my shoulder, enjoying life as it is.
To make life more interesting, I got my free natural blow dry after each yoga class, thank you to downward dog and all those inversions, great hair great life.
Namaste hair, I am so blessed !
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